Stumble.

Have you ever been sitting for awhile and then realized you had to, erm, poop. Only to get up and find that your foot has fallen asleep, and therefore the trip to the bathroom proves to be more challenging that say, convincing the President it really is OK to do the right thing?

Oh, me either...

How I would change the world:

Doctors would perscribe The Pot more liberally.

As in:
A) Anorexic, won't eat? Give the skinny girl The Pot. She'll be stuffing her bony face in no time.
B) Writer's block? The Pot makes everything seem like a good idea to write about (no guarantees that it actually is a good idea, but for a couple hours you will think you are a regular e.e. cummings).
C) Road rage? Smoke a pinner and your engine won't be the only thing purring like a kitten. (Idea via Josh)

For your information, I was not under the influence of The Pot when I wrote this.

Who doesn't?

I mean, in all honesty, who doesn't need one of these:

(With a fresh water pearl as the "drip," you just can't go wrong with the penis pin.)

AND, what's more. You could totally coordinate it with sperm and fallopian tube earrings!

I need a cigarette, like right now!

Alright. So, I work at this small fitness facility that caters to the medical students here in this Midwestern town. This job is perfect because A) I get to work out for free and B) It is a desk job with entails very little and therefore I can study when school is in session. However, at this moment school is not in session and therefore I am bored out of my little blond brain. Honestly, after drinking copious amounts of coffee I am left pacing and sporadically breaking out secretly into dance in the back office. Thank GOD they have left the satellite radio station on my pick, which is the Alternative station (it soothes my itty bitty Indie rock-n-roll soul). Nevertheless my mind is going. There was a child here earlier that had a jingle bell affixed to her blue jean belt loop, she also had an orange ball. It was "Bounce bounce, jingle jingle. Bounce bounce, jingle jingle." Let me tell you friends, I don't know that I have ever wanted to inhale a cigarette so badly in my entire smoker's career. Wow. Now they are playing Dashboard Confessional on the radio so I am going to resume dancing. Right on, Rock on. Woot.

Overheard.

Tuesday, walking on campus, I overheard a converstation going on behind me:

"His Facebook says he has a girlfriend?!?"

Like, Oh my Gawd.

What a revolution. What a revolution.