Sobs.

Sitting at work I feel a familiar pang. My body is telling me something, the same something it tells me every month. My cycle has started. This is something I've experienced for nearly a decade now. Yet, each month is different. Up until this month my cycle has been something I have tolerated, something I have numbed and tried to forget. This month, though, I am trying to be more conscious, trying to be more in tune with my body.
After reading the book Cunt, which discusses a woman's cycle in a completely different light than has been presented to us for decades. Inga reclaims this monthly rebirth as something to be in wonder of, a time of personal exploration. There is no denying that those days in each month are a journey. Our bodies are changing rapidly physically, mentally, and spiritually. We are more perceptive, more sensitive, more feminine-- more powerful. There is much to be learned from and through this time if we only take the opportunity. Therefore, this month I have tried to begin altering my thinking about this life-cycle. One of the ways I am doing that is by treating my body differently.
Like I mentioned before, up to this point I have tolerated my cycle. Dreaded it up until its start and then numbed it with over the counter prescription pain relief. One interesting thing that Inga mentioned, that really struck out at me, was a personal experiment she embarked on. She dealt, much as I do, with severe pain each cycle, she deadened the pain same as me, with pills. Then she started to question that treatment. She experimented with her cycle, some months using over the counter medication to deaden the pain and some month abstaining. She found that the months following using medication her cramps were more severe, and the months following using no medication here cycle was more mild. So, this month I had decided to try the same. Little did I know!
My cycle starts at work, a pang and then what I would liken to an internal explosion. The pain that I experienced earlier today was unlike anything I have ever experienced before. I have always had moderately severe cramps but today I felt as though someone had rammed a knife in my abdomen, sewed up the wound, with the knife still twisting internally. It was bad, I suddenly felt light headed and nauseas, simultaneously. My head swam, my face drained of color, and I broke out in cold sweat. I left work early. What a way to start this journey. Yet, even with the pain being so intense I was determined not to take anything over the counter. I did stop at the health food store and see if I could find anything homeopathic to ease the pain. I found Magnesium Phos 30X, a natural cell salt supplement that aids in the relief of spasmodic pain (so far it has shown to be effective). Magnesium Phos is also handy because the form I got is in little pellets that dissolve under your tongue so you can easily take them anytime, anyplace. That is just what I did, popped them under my tongue in the parking lot of the shop and then headed home to lay down with some heat and concentrate of getting the pain to subside.
This is the part of the story where I learned never to take anything for granted, and where I learned that, haha, the Universe likes to test Maggie at times. I arrive at home still in excruciating pain. I see that the door has some papers jammed in it, and that Delilah is kind of barky when I am at the door. I throw the paper's on the coffee table, turn on the bedroom light to look for some jammies to put on after I have a nice, long, hot soak. The light doesn't turn on, I figure the other switch is off... I open the fridge and the light is out, and then it dawns on me-- the papers in the door, Delilah being agitated, the light not coming on. They've shut our electricity off. Earlier in the month they threatened such, but we took care of the overdue balance (so we thought). Nevertheless, today, of all days, they took our electricity away from us. That meant no hot bath, not heating pad. I break down. My one relief in sight, snatched from under me. I call both Josh and my mom sobbing. Its just not fair. And then I lay down. I coerce the Delilah dog into laying with me and her little body fits so nicely in the pooch of my abdomen. She is my natural heating pad. We rest together, her heat soothing my pain, her company soothing my heart. As we rest Josh calls and says someone should come soon, it was all a big mistake, the electric company messed up. Thank God. We now have electricity. And though this day is not how I would have chosen to start this journey of self-understanding, I am thankful for it as well, because I feel an understanding growing between me, my body, and my environment and I thank God for that as well.

Read this book:

My beautiful friend Maurine gifted me with this book as part of my bachlorette gift and I am absolutely obsessed with it. It is blunt and to the point. It offers invaluable information about we feminine creatures-- our roles, our sexuality, and about all else our anatomical jewels that are our cunts. One warning though, in order to benefit from its intense wisdom you must, must, must be open-minded and disregard most of the inadequate knowledge that has been fed to us from birth. I'll try, throughout this month, to splice in some of the amazing words and ideas the author offers up. For now though, visit Amazon.com, you can look inside the book. Also, seriously consider purchasing it. It will be one of the best $11.00 you'll spend. If I had the means I would buy it for all the women in my life. And if I had to I would read it out loud for them, because we need to know these things, we need to have them in our hearts.