The Fortieth Week
motherhood
Family Self Portrait, 39 Weeks @ Grindstone Nature Area: Columbia, MO.
When I pause, become mindful, and fully absorb the moment which I am presently in I am awakened to an awe that I have never quite experienced before. We are now in our fortieth week of gestation, yesterday being our “due date” for the arrival of the divine being of light that nestled himself into the sacred pink of my womb 10 lunar months ago. He is still quite comfortable inside of me, dancing gracefully in his watery world, preparing for his birth— for our birth. For we will all be born again when he emerges from the lifegate of my body.
This season of gestation has been one of holy transformation. Both me and Josh’s lives have evolved through this refining fire of pregnancy into something more pure and full of light. We are beginning to understand our responsibility in the manifestation of our own reality. We have begun to manifest our own reality. When I stop to consider our lives now it is so clear to me that we are living our dreams and that our action is what has birthed those dreams. This is something that I will teach our son, Arlo, from the moments he takes his first breaths in this earth realm. Though, I have the deep heart feeling that he will be the one teaching us more and more about this idea, for I believe he has been leading us all along on our path towards him and this life we are living.
Josh and I have walked this journey hand in hand, with each other as well as with the blessings and challenges this great big change brings with it. As I look back on these past 10 month I cannot come close to encapsulating this stretch of our walk in a simple statement. There has been joy and woe, laughter and tears, great love and heart rending fear. And now here we stand stronger, wiser, brimming with love for the life that we created through the passion of our own bodies, our own souls, combining to bring divinity to this earth. Yes, I am in awe.
As we enter into parenthood I hope that this space may become an sanctuary where I can come and be present. This is my ultimate goal for this fourth trimester— to be present in the midst of the pleasure and the discomfort, to find myself ever more deeply immersing myself in the moment, with mindfulness and intense love.
Something that is teaching me about being more fully present these past days has been the poetry of Mary Oliver. One poem in particular, Wild Geese, has impacted me greatly and it will accompany me through labor:
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting—
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
Reader Comments (2)
It is almost time. I wish you transcendence through the pain, peace through the noise, power through the moments when you feel most weak. It is all there and it is a gift for each of us, for the taking, personally giftwrapped by the Universe. You will have it and your baby shall be born into your loving hands most gracefully. You are here, everything for 10 months has led you to this moment, and I have nothing but confidence that it will be the best. Good luck, rest easy until your time comes, and I can't wait to hear all about the birth!
Hey, Maggie Ann ~
I am so excited for you - your life is about to change in ways you'll never imagine... and each time you think it can't get any better, it does! Your child will think you hung the moon... and he'll make you crazy... sometimes only a few seconds apart - the role of parenting is indescribable... and it is instinctive... and it is perpetual - you will always be a mom... and that is a lovely thing. Love and skyward intentions for a smooth delivery - can't wait to see baby pictures... <3
Susan
www.optimisticvoices.blogspot.com