I am feeling feelings.
feminine spirituality
Prayer Flags: The Holyland @ Lake of the Ozarks, MO.
As I journey through these final days of gestation I have become mindful of the different layers of opening in which my being has engaged. There is the physical opening— our child to dropping down into my birth canal, my uterus contracting sporadically allowing my cervix to begin to open. There is also the spiritual and emotional opening, which has brought about greater intuitive sensitivity as well as a rawness and vulnerability that at times I find challenging to navigate. Upon consideration of this openness there are times when at first the things I am experiencing are indescribable, I go to Josh and simply say, “I am feeling feelings.” He is very patient with me and with great gentleness allows me to open at my own pace uncovering the emotions I am experiencing and their roots deep within.
We are now rounding the corner of being one week past our “due date.” I have accepted the idea that this is just a date set around the approximate arrival time of our child, given that he is just as actively involved in this process as I am, his body and spirit experiencing just exactly what they need to be experiencing in these final days of being in the womb. Even still, these last few days a certain melancholy has settled upon me at different times throughout the day. Honestly, I had thought that we would have our baby in our arms by now. The days leading up to our due date were frenzied with activity— preparing our nest. And now, as I look around our home, which I can honestly say has evolved drastically from simply a house we dwelled in to a home that reflects our joint intention of peace-full, creative, loving-living, there are little things which I could be doing (won’t there always be?) but really all I want to be actively involved in is the birthing of our child.
I am seeking to remain mindful and present in these days of waiting. I have lost count of the prayer candles in which I have lit with the intention of patience. I understand that these days are sacred, they are teaching me lessons which go deeper than just waiting. These days are about letting go and embracing the mysteries of motherhood. Yes, I am consciously involved in creating my reality, but there is only a certain level of control in which the universe allows me to possess, the rest I must offer up to the Spirit from which all evolved. I must surrender.
Reader Comments (1)
keep your chin up mama. he'll be here soon. i love you. ;)