an immersion into being present
motherhood
self portrait as a mother
Motherhood, I find, is the immersion into being present. It is constancy of attention to the moment, each one as it passes. It is the inability to go back, it is the pressing onward. It is the surrender to being out of control. And yet, I still struggle to keep grasp of some sense that I am capable of molding my moments to my mind’s attempt to have power. This latter struggle tends to bring forth discomfort.
I do things in stages now, with lots of small breaks and treats. I surrender my will nearly every hour of the day.
I eat really fast now.
I started this post earlier in the day with such great inspiration, and now I am at a loss as to how to further it with eloquence. The moments vacillate like that. Everything is always changing, minute by minute. My desire is to float on this stream of consciousness, rather than abiding to my current tendency to swim against the currant.
Reader Comments (4)
Oh, he looks big and healthy and you look beautiful!
Magggie, SO much love to you. These realizations and reflections are lovely to read, because of how fully-shared they are. Surely Universal, I do often feel a mixture of profound joy/gratitude, contrasted with surrender/overwhelmedness. Never in a single day to I "accomplish" all I intend to, yet this life, and this being Brome's parent and Kevin's partner, is so rich, so pleasant, and so sweet. Gratitude to you, and the pics are a nice bold shock of beauty and domesticity! Cheers!
Dear Maggie-
I have always LOVED reading your blog, and have soooo enjoyed seeing you blossom into a lovely mother! I too agree with AM- your realizations are so AMAZING to read because I can completely identify with the ebb and flow of your words and meaning. I hope to hug you and Arlo on Friday at Crafty's where we may continue this mothering journey and SHARE in its greatness!!
oh darling woman... this is exquisite...
thank you for always being beautiful, authentic, honest you...
i adore you!