Returning.
motherhood;)
When there were flowers.
Hello, and once again, I apologize for my silence. My being is shifting and I must admit, it respect to complete honesty, I have been feeling rather overwhelmed. Or as Goddess Leonie would say, The O Word.
This year was big to begin with, as I had already committed myself to another quarter at formal university, taking a full time course load. I also devoted myself to Goddess Leonie's Creative Goddess E-Course. Then miracles upon miracles Joshua and I found out that we are pregnant and *whew* my world is a whirl of change. All of these elements are beautiful, oh so stunning, and blessed. Yet, this past week it has been a teeny bit of a tight rope walk for my dear heart to navigate.
I have been feeling fragile-- what I can only describe as sensory overload. Timidity has arose in my heart, and I find myself with the very strong desire to hide. Be it the weather, how the cold has seeped into me so that I often find myself bitter at its presence, or the revolution of hormonal frequencies in my body, here lately I have been rather beside myself. That is, not fully embodying the moments of my life-- the precious, shining miracle of the season my life has now entered.
The first week we found out that we are pregnant I found myself enter into a calm reverence. An awesome state of peace and knowing. As time has progressed and new aspects of this journey have risen up, I find that awe slipping to the outskirts of my consciousness. This makes me very sorrowful. I find now that my days are filled with endurance of nausea, and the task of trying to nourish my body when nothing sounds appetizing. We have also had a bit of stress in dealing with some familial criticism toward our choice of using a birth center and midwife, instead of mainstream medicine. I find myself often consumed with rigorous mental games of logic and reason. This is taking its toll on my spirit. I find my inspiration dwindling and a lethargy slowly saturating my heart, a tiredness of all the head games.
What I desire is a returning to the magic, to the innate, to the intuitive notions of my body and soul. The place where I felt reverence for the true, living miracle that is our lives. I desire so desperately to find my balance in this new day. For my responsibilites are numerous, and each important in their own way. I seek foremost to hold in the greatest regard me and Josh's relationship as husband, wife, and new parents. I wish to return to that place of awe knowing peace. I seek to understand the most constructive way to deal with the familial criticism we have come up against. I seek to find a balance between learning about this pregnancy and studying my formal classes. I seek to find the motivation to find an eating style that works for my body and keep my house in a state of tidyness. I seek to saturate myself in inspirational force, and dive deep into my Creative Goddess course.
And so now I ask, my wonderful tribe, who never ceases to amaze me, what say you? Have you any advice for my fragile, seeking heart? I welcome it with open arms and heart. I love you.
Reader Comments (5)
I always fall back on ol' Seuss:
"Be who you are and say what you feel
Because those who mind don't matter
And those who matter don't mind."
The quest to make others understand is often futile and usually only results in heartache and ulcers. It's not their choice, it's yours, and it's a very good one, even if they don't understand it.
Ultimately, if anyone seriously thinks that you as a mother would deliberately do anything to endanger your child, then they need to step back and consider why they hold you in such low regard.
Here's hoping you can Gestate In Peace.
You are doing it right.
I am so happy for you I cannot even begin to describe!
You are a mama now. It doesn't matter what other people would do or have you do because, the choices you are making are for you and your family and only you can know what is best for yourself and your little one.
Love to you guys,
Cristy
This is so weird but,
dear goddess, i am also enrolled in that e-course.
oohhhh maggie ann congratulations on your pregnancy!!! and thank you for leaving me such a heart warming comment in the goddess circle!!! you made me SMILE!!!
my daughter was born a year and a half ago, and i had chosen a natural birth at home with midwives and a doula... and as expected i had alot of criticism and people commenting... all i would say to these people (which also included my father...) was that it was right for me and in my heart i knew it was the right choice. and i am SO very happy my daughter was brought into this word the peaceful way she was. it was such a powerful and magical experience!!! our bodies truly know what do to and are so strong!!!
so my words to you... if you know it in your heart that this is the way for you, then trust it... listen to your heart's whispers and don't worry about the chatter in your brain. i too went through some second guessing and my share of worrying, but in the end our hearts know what our brains cannot...
the very very best to you and the little one in your belly!!!
happy vibes to the new family to be!!!
peace and love
oh honey, honestly just listen to yourself, the inner you and trust that you and your love know what is best for your family, the family that is growing to three : ) there is no wrong in your choices :)