Our lives are tiny revolutions.

My husband, professional photographer and avid reader of this very blog, took the photograph. It is his chucks, in front of our front door. He calls it, "my chucks, home." And I really like that. Home. When I stop to consider my life. It has been a tumultuous one.
I paused there, for a minute, to try to wrap a time frame around the tumult of life. You know, like its been a rough few years. But really, life, in its entirety is rough. I think it is called the human condition. Wherein you feel things and they hurt, and then you grow; and feel and hurt and grow some more.
One night last week I wrote on a piece of cardboard,

"my inner dialoug outwardly,
4/18/2008
moon 98% full

cure(s) for existential crisis?! i write, after an intense encounter. you embrace it, i think. and as you wrap your arms around it, you'll step into a blind dance to enlightenment. but when it gets too dark, and the spinning round, i find trees help. the answers are in the dirt. and drawing while listening to ani difranco. and reading about life gone before. certain cords help. so i feel i must be a musician. and poetry helps. and when the spinning gets really mad, dishes are a blessing. it is essential to keep our caves swept. and hearts forgiving is essential. watch the moon. it is very wise. we all come in stages of enlightenment. and now for the rebuilding, i will find completeness in the brokenness. our lives are mere moments of death and rebirth."

And basically that is where I am. I write this, hands shaking, in the grips of the terror of the letting go. Our lives really are quite astounding. And finite. And finding that is startling. And a blessing. It is pertinent to make the most of our moments. I wish to feel the fullness of each second that passes. I wish to be grounded in each moment completely. And feel the infinity of it all. Home.

Comments

[Leroi Dejesa]

this entry touched me on levels i can't even put into words.

thank you, random google stumblings.

=]