Opening
feminine spiritualityMusic is very influential to me right now. This is my playlist for tonight, while I write:
Ooh Child-- Beth Orton
The Luckiest-- Ben Folds
Mama, You've Been On My Mind-- Bob Dylan
Passenger Seat-- Death Cab For Cutie
Do You Realize??-- The Flaming Lips
Njosnavelin (Nothing Song)-- Sigur Ros
Even though my thoughts are hazy. Like I said last night, this new realm of consciousness that I am experiencing is minute by minute. The smallest things affect me in the biggest ways, so the days go up and down and I am learning to be f-l-e-x-i-b-l-e.
Today I took the long way to town, all the backroads. It opened up a lot of doors of understanding for me. I have notes written on my hands about thing from the drive I want to write on paper. I wasn't sure of my way, but I found everything just fine.
When I got to town I worked on laundry at my parent's house, we don't have a washer or dryer, the dogs ran about with real gusto. Barrett and I are communicating better and that is such a blessing. It still touch and go like everything else, but those moment of understanding between us makes all those other iffy moments A-OK.
I went to work and drank too much coffee. Its a horrible compulsion. I'm so used to drinking coffee at work. I am highly sensitive to caffeine right now, and I've had to watch my intake. In the past I would drink 3-5 cups of coffee. With today's chemistry 2 cups of instant coffee was much too much. I felt like I was going to combust due to irritable/anxious energy.
Sometimes during the day I just want to scream with all of my heart. I've only done it once and it scared me. So I'm working up to it. Right now I'm to the point where I just open my mouth as wide as I can, and feel the stretch in my jaws. It feels so fucking good. Soon, soon I know the sound will come out. That primal insurgence of everything that is inside me wanting to break free.
My mother and I are going to read a book together. Today I just felt it was very important that we do this, so I found out from the local bookseller that they had one copy of it for sale. I picked it up for her, because I have a copy from the library. I also got us each a journal to write in while we read the book. The book itself is The Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd. The book:
Reveals a new level of feminine spiritual consciousness for all women— one that retains a meaningful connection with the “deep song of Christianity,” embraces the sacredness of ordinary women’s experience, and has the power to transform in the most positive ways every fundamental relationship in a woman’s life— her marriage, her career, and her religion.
I am very terrified and enthusiastic about this undertaking. At the moment, mostly terrified.
Reader Comments (1)
I"m proud of you that you and your mom are reading something together...My mom and I always seem to be too busy to do things like that. - Chanel