Friday
Feb012008
Help?
Ok. I'm not doing so hot. I am trying really really hard to be optimistic. To look on the brighter side. To be the bigger person. It is getting almost impossible to behave in such a fashion. There are a few things adding up, drops of water persay, if they were in individual form I could cope, but they are coming in a flood and I feel as though I am drowning. So I am asking for help. Anything. I just need to offer this up and out, and perhaps some answers are floating around in this Universe that I feel still loves me even though at times it is nearly implausible to believe.
- We've been sick with a horrible case of flu, the worst either of us has be ill in years. I knocked that out though, with vitamins, herbal teas, juices, and broth. Now I am host to sickening menstrual cramps. Everything is so much harder when my body is weak. It weakens my spirit and my mind. My emotions have been so very fragile here lately, I am crying nearly every day.
- We got a call yesterday from our landlord explaining that there is an offer pending on the house we are living in. Also, if the offer doesn't pan out our rent is going to be raised by $65. While I understand that she is going through a difficult time it is also in the forefront of my mind that we are going through a difficult time as well. The thought of losing our humble home is overwhelming, so is the fact that we cannot afford a raise in rent.
- We have made the promise to each other that if we move from this house we are getting out of the current town we live and work in and are relocation to a larger city, with more opportunity for our art and social-selves. This would require finding new sources of income and a new home to live in (in a completely different housing market). I was browsing jobs today and there was nothing promising in the pages of listings I looked at. I also came across an article that talked about the 17,000 jobs that have been lost this year alone. Our economy is in such shambles at the moment that the thought of being in the market for a new jobs is very troubling to me right now. But the thought of being stuck in this place where we are starving mentally, artistically, and somewhat socially is even worse, it is causing despair to set in.
- We have recently been blessed with a sweet and adorable little puppy. He, however, is very young and emotional fragile. He lost his mother when he was six weeks old, we adopted him just mere days after that tragedy (as his keeper could not take care of the litter). He was not weened properly and I believe this has complicated things quite a bit. The first few days went alright, but here lately Barrett has developed a severe case of separation anxiety. This is, perhaps, the most overtly overwhelming issue, as it affects us so pervasively. He screams at us, non-stop, when he feels anxious about his security. It is so frustrating because we have never, ever, given him any reason to feel insecure. I've read it all, I'm trying it all, but hardly anything seems to be helping. It causes me to feel such despair. I just don't know what to do?
02.1.2008
Reader Comments (7)
sometimes getting angry is what you need to do, anger can ignite change. you don't need to feel bad about being downright pissed and bitter.
you know you're more than welcome to the room upstairs. our house is in shambles, but it's warm, and it's free.
i'm here if you need anything at all, but you know that.
i suggest patti smith's 'horses' album.
And, as cheesy as it sounds, and as you already know, the tough stuff shapes us. What would you be with out it? So it sucks, but eventually things will suck less.
Write about it, make a soundtrack for the bind. I'm positive that you can make something lovely out of the ugly--and that, alone, is some optimism (right?).
Excuse my cheesiness, but I too have been on the verge of breaking under the pressure of money, social, and time constraints, especially lately.
And Maurine is right--get pissed. It's not a bad thing (well, unless you start taking it out on innocent service workers...)
i agree with tina too, UTILIZE THIS SHIT.
UTILIZE THE SHIT OUT OF THIS SHIT!
Oh Maggie, I'm sorry everything seems to be piling on. I know how that can be. I work for a large corporation and my job is always at risk of being cut. This summer will be 10 years that I have worked there but it does not save me from the cuts. I really don't know what we would do if I lost my job. But I have faith that we would fall on our feet.
So, do as your friends say. Be mad! Be bitter! This shit sucks. But don't be mad and bitter at your lovely husband. It's y'all against the world. And through the anger have the faith that y'all WILL land on your feet. Might not be fun, might not be pretty...but y'all will be OK.
And, when Lola was being potty trained I seriously thought about giving her back. Seriously. It made things miserable around here for a while. The hubby was frustrated which makes me frustrated. So, I can understand about the puppy. Listen, there is this product on the market called Bach's Rescue Remedy. It's natural and safe for you or your pets. It's suppose to help keep you calm in stressful situations. I use the drops (just under the tongue) when I travel. BUT, I have also used it on my dog, Duke, when we were having thunderstorms. He freaked out. So, a few drops in his mouth and it always helped. You should look into it.
thank you girls so so much. your comments have both warmed my heart and made me laugh. they mean the world to me. i do plan on utilizing this shit.. but i might need a bit of help, i'm just feel so weak right now (and maurine i am so glad that you are right down the road, i plan on coming to you soon, things have just been such a whirlwind). loves to you both. thank you thank you thank you.
Jinny! You were posting the same time i was posting my reply. But the Thanks you goes to you too. And also, I am going to look in to Bach's Rescue Remedy. I understand completely what you said about you hubby being frustrated. I can handle Barrett most of the time, but Josh gets so frustrated with him and that I soooo hard for me to handle. I believe things will get better, thank you for the reminder, sometimes I need those. Loves to you too!